Before the Medication

I have recently found a notebook where I happened upon an old journal entry I had made from before I got the courage to go speak to a doctor and get the medication I needed. So here it is, unedited:   Normally I like to see other people happy because it makes me happy… Well […]

Depression is a Contradiction

Sitting here, not able to sleep, thinking about how much it doesn’t make sense. You can feel ok and horrible at the same time. You can feel nothing and everything all at once. You can be yearning for human contact and help but screaming for them to get away at the same time. You want […]

Numb

I had heard people talk about feeling everything and nothing all at once, but I never understood it until my depression kicked in. Yes, sometimes your emotions are so crazy that you’re exploding trying to handle them all but other times there’s nothing, no feeling. I used to develop little crushes on people very quickly. […]

The Itch

It’s there all the time, underlying. I can feel it every day no matter the mood. Happy, sad, angry, content, relaxed; it’s always there. Death. Wanting to die is not something that comes and goes. It’s not scary, it’s a relief. The problem is sometimes the itch becomes so strong your body and your mind […]

Sensitive

I am not normally a sensitive person. I cry at funerals or maybe if I get angry, but not very often… Until depression came around. That’s when I was sure something was wrong. I was crying all the time for no good reason. I felt sensitive and vulnerable to things that would never bother me […]

Focus

I slept most of the day away. I tried to wake up but I felt so exhausted each time I gave in and went back to sleep. I finally woke up and I’ve been playing the game of “what can keep my focus?”. Apparently nothing. I’ve gone from Netflix, to Facebook, to Netflix, to reading, […]