Life is unfair. I’ve been having to go back to my doctor every few months to up my prescription. I seem to be doing ok and then realize how shitty I feel so I go back… But that’s not why it’s unfair. This is my 4th family member gone too soon and the 4th family […]


I got my FOID a couple months ago. So when I’m really done with everything I can just buy a gun, wait a few days, and finally be at peace. That way the blame will only be on me.


Today I cleaned (some) of my place for the first time in months. I can’t even guess how many it has been so long. This and many other reasons are reasons I never let anybody come over. My mom happened to peek in and see how bad it was and made a comment about it. […]

Needing Someone

Posted this on the wrong blog. 😐 Why is it so hard to ask for help? Why is it hard to ask for someone to come hold you while you’re feeling at your worst? Me? It makes me feel weak, stupid, childish. What if they reject me? What if they think I’m too need and […]


I found something on the internet about how people would try to do other things instead of cutting. They have mentioned things like drawing where you would want to cut and snapping rubber bands on your skin… I feel like none of that shit would be helpful to me at all. Cutting didn’t even occur […]


I actually skipped my medicine a couple times this week. I was feeling pretty good so I guess I forgot. I thought I was doing pretty well… But you know how one thought gets in your head and then it throws you back into your hole? I was invited out but I avoided it because […]