Hate

Hate is nothing new to me especially when it comes to hating myself. Everyone has their moments when they dislike themselves for some reason, but with depression it’s there all the time. It’s like the tide. Sometimes it’s low, in the back of your mind and sometimes it’s high, at the forefront of your mind making you go insane. But one thing for sure it is always there beating on your skull.

Why do I hate myself? Any and every reason of course. I hate my face and my stupid skin. I hate my brain and how stupid I am. I hate the way I procrastinate and how I don’t get out of bed for days. I hate the way I want to die every day. I hate myself for being unlovable and unworthy. I hate that it took me 3 months to get the energy and motivation to do the dishes. I hate that I need medicine to feel even slightly ok. I hate my stupid thiking. But mostly I hate me because I am me.

~V

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